Peanut butter in the use of spells
by Tsadio
Summary: Willow switches Xander and Spike


1 "Anya, I'm bored!" Dawn whined  
  
"Well, we could always tell interesting stories about Xander."  
  
"Umm, never mind."  
  
It was a typical day at the Magic Shop; Dawn was bored, Anya was counting the money, Willow was looking up spells, and Xander had just walked in, oblivious of the previous conversation.  
  
"Hey Anya, Dawn, Will, what are my 3 favorite ladies doing today?"  
  
"Oh, hello soon - to - be - husband, we were just exchanging amusing anecdotes about you!" Bubbled Anya.  
  
Xander gave her a reproachful look, and pulled out a chair next to Dawn.  
  
"Well, little lady how about you?"  
  
"I'm bored, there's never anything interesting going on around here!"  
  
Willow had just looked up, and seeing nothing out of the ordinary, closed her book and stood up.  
  
"Hi Xand, it's actually pretty quiet around here today. I'm finally getting some work done. There's this spell I'm translating, it sounds neat! It's kinda like a 'walk in someone elses shoes' spell. I think I've got it almost figured out, and we have all the ingredients right here."  
  
Xander walked over to the table where Willow had been working, and opened the spell book up where she had book marked it.  
  
"That's great Will, but what's this here about needing 10 pounds of legumes, what's a legume?"  
  
"Oh I know, I know," shouted Dawn, " a legume's a nut, like a peanut!"  
  
"Righty-o Dawn." Remarked the witch. "I need a big bowl of freshly dug peanuts, but I think a bowl of Jiffy will do the trick. It's one of the more uncommon spell ingredients."  
  
At that moment Buffy walked in, covered in dirt, and with a split lip.  
  
"Guess it wasn't quiet for everybody," said Willow  
  
"If you're going to bleed all over the place, please do it outside. My shop must be kept in germ-free condition to attract customers."  
  
"Anya, you work in a magic shop, there's a mummy hand over there, and do you think its germ free?" Buffy picked up the jar holding the hand; she kept it at arm's length from her throat. You never knew what that thing was going to do next.  
  
"Fine whatever." She said sheepishly. "I've got to go anyway, Xander needs his rash medication picked up."  
  
Xander turned a bright shade of scarlet.  
  
"Hey Buffy, you are just in time for a spell I've found. Remember, it is completely experimental, but it could prove useful in the future."  
  
Buffy winced; she remembered her friend's "experimental" spells before. "Wow Will, what does this one do?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I think it lets you change bodies with someone else for a day, to see what being them is like. But, it could also be used as a disguise to infiltrate secret groups, although that isn't it's intended use. I just need two volunteers to test it on."  
  
Everyone just looked at each other nervously; nobody wanted to be her guinea pig again. Last time, they had almost jumped off the top of the roof, because one of Willow's spells had gone haywire. It was supposed to turn them into birds, but instead it made them think they were birds.  
  
The doorbell jingled, and everyone turned around. It was Spike, the resident neutered vampire. "Allo all, whas cooking in the ole magic soup pot?"  
  
Willow got right to the point, "Spike, would you be the test subject for one of my spells?" Asked Willow.  
  
"I'd love to pet, but I just remembered a previous." he looked at Buffy, who watched on in amusement, "sure, I'd love to."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Half an hour later, Willow had Spike and Xander strapped to chairs, and was getting everything ready.  
  
"Why did I let you bully me into this?" Xander moaned.  
  
"I didn't bully you, it was either this, or go home and take your rash cream."  
  
"Hey, Glinda, why are we strapped in so tight?" Spike asked.  
  
"Because you both might convulse and have seizures, but don't worry, that probably won't happen. There is a good chance it will only tingle for a second."  
  
"I'm so assured now"  
  
"Ok, everyone sit still."  
  
"No problem there."  
  
"Spike, shut up or I might make a mistake. Ok, this is the translated version,  
  
'These two have committed grievous wrongs,  
  
Against him who is as a brother.  
  
Let them exchange minds for a day  
  
To the learn the motives of the other.'  
  
She took a spoonful of Jiffy and wolfs bane, and threw it onto a black fire. "Alright, how do you both feel, did it work?" She undid the straps holding the 2 men, and helped them two their feet  
  
"Hey Spike, what does it feel like to be Xander?" squeaked Dawn  
  
  
  
"I feel like a. like a.great poof of a Nancy-boy, so it must have worked."  
  
"I feel like a helpless little neutered dog, so I must be in Spike's body."  
  
"Now, now children, play nice!" Buffy got up off the stack of books she had been sitting on.  
  
Again the door jingled, and the 5 turned around. Anya was back, holding a tube of cream, and looking huffy.  
  
"Xander, what is going on, you never came home to get the medicine? The doctor said twice a day, or it'll break out again. Do you want it to..."  
  
The real Xander cut her off, " Not now honey, please!"  
  
"Honey?! Get away from me you fangless wonder!"  
  
"What, oh wait, we." stammered Xander in Spike's body.  
  
"You heard the lady, wank.I mean loser, get away from my woman!"  
  
Spike had decided to have a little fun, and play the part of Xander. But he almost slipped up; it was so hard to call himself names when he was so obviously not a wanker.  
  
"YOUR woman? That's it. You and me, right here, right now!" Xander was in hysterics. This was too much, having that rash brought up, and now Spike trying to be funny and not tell Anya that they had been switched.  
  
"Oh pre-husband, be the manly man I know you are and teach him a lesson!"  
  
Although she had been around for hundreds of years, the ex-demon still had a thing for chivalrous guys.  
  
Buffy was having a hard time holding in the laughter. "Ok, all bets must be placed now folks"  
  
"Put me down for 10$ on the real Spike" Willow whispered.  
  
"Naw, I think Xander will win, he does have super strength now" Dawn replied as she handed her sister the money.  
  
"But remember, he's been chipped."  
  
"Oh, I forgot, can I change my bet?"  
  
"Sorry Dawn, all bets are final, and it's past your bedtime."  
  
Meanwhile, the real Spike in Xander's body was having a royal time of taunting the glorified bricklayer.  
  
"Anya, come over here and give your fiancé a kiss" Spike then pulled Anya over to him and gave her a long, passionate kiss.  
  
"Oh, my. You've never kissed that good before, has somebody given you lessons?" Anya was very impressed. The real Xander, however, was not.  
  
"I'm a much better kisser than he is!"  
  
Buffy said, "Come on, is this going to last all night?"  
  
"Alright, pet" oops, another slip.  
  
The two guys danced around each other, sizing the other up. Spike dodged a few carelessly thrown punches, and wondered when the Scooby would remember that he was in a body not capable of violence. Finally, just to see if it would work, Spike let Xander punch him in the nose. Simultaneously, both of them yelled, "AAH, you moron!"  
  
"Told you he was chipped," quipped Willow.  
  
"Fine, take your dirty gambling money, I'm going to bed." The teenager replied.  
  
"Alright love, we've proved this spell works, now can I go back to being the bad-ass vampire?"  
  
Xander retorted, "Not so bad-ass, can't even punch right, no muscle"  
  
  
  
Suddenly, Anya caught on.  
  
"You mean, that I've been kissing Spike? Oh, well, he IS a good kisser, you could learn a thing or 2, Xander."  
  
"Ok, we know this spell works, now let me find the counter charm. It was right here a second ago."  
  
Willow rummaged around on the table some more.  
  
"You mean this piece of paper?" Dawn held up a ragged piece of parchment. " I thought it was just a blank scrap, I've been doodling on it, sorry."  
  
The witch reassured the 2 shocked and angry volunteers,  
  
"Oh well, no harm done, the spell will reverse itself in, oh, say 22 hours?"  
  
"TWENTY-TWO HOURS?! You can't expect me to endure being in this weakling body for that long?'' Spike cried.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's not exactly a picnic for me either." Said the real Xander.  
  
"NOOOO! The rash, it itches!" Spike started to fidget.  
  
"If you have to be in that body for 22 hours, I might as well make good use of it." Anya said, as she started to lead Spike's body away, "Come on, now I can show you how he kissed me."  
  
And for the next 22 hours, Spike itched and Xander kissed, ok, I wont lie to you, they did a little more than kiss, but don't tell Spike that.  
  
1.1 THE END 


End file.
